breakup
by Luxs
Summary: she had always hoped he would come for her


Things seemed only to go downhill from there. The warm smiles of indulgence grew cold and stale. The affectionate caresses stolen from each other, now only a stiff indifference towards one another.

I remember the shy smiles, the electrifying touches the eagerness to be near you, smell your scent. To be the holder of your attention and affection. I crave that now. I want you to want me. I want you to need me, tell me that without me you'd be lonely.

BLBLBL

"How are you and Renji going"? Your coworker ask

A small smile, the one you use when your dentist calls. "Good." You manage to say, you notice that their smile falters.

"How long have you guys been dating?" Trying not to pry too much.

"Five years next month." Though she admits it had been hard the last few.

"Thats great, I hear that most relationships stop at three. At that point you guys pretty much know everything about each other enough to know if it bothers you." She says it encouraging, but Rukia knows better.

Rukia feints a laugh this time. "We grew up with each other, but there's still some things I don'tknow."

Her coworker nods. Things were left unsaid.

They try to get the mood back but they both can't find an agreement. They say they're goodbyes with the agreement to have lunch next week.

BLBLBL

She steps inside the flat and already hears the familiar sounds of the television on. She creeps in expecting to surprise him but instead to find him asleep on the futon. His work clothes still on and a finished beer on the table without a coaster.

She wants to tell him that she needs him to change, but... she'stired.

She settles herself into the couch, lodging herself between his arms. He grumply accommodates her, pressing a soft kiss to her before falling back to sleep abruptly. Half wondering if she should leave him and wondering if she even has the strength to even do it.

She cries softly into his arms not wanting to wake him up, or really confront her fears and needs.

Knowing that they'd been through so much together, so much hardships and obstacles to let these four years go down the drain. At this point, they'd basically grew up together. Two apartment, one pleather black futon and each other. She sighed and tries to disentangle herself.

Even half asleep he can't let her go. Has it been so long that they've forgotten what had brought them together? Were they intentionally leaving each other behind. Too afraid of letting go to realize that their love had all burned down to either.

Had their love been dead for so long?

BLBLBL

There's this restlessness he feels in his chest. This consciousness foreshadowing something bad to happen.

He had long known that Rukia was holding something in. He could feel it in the way she looked at him. And although things seemed to be ok, she was pulling herself away. He had seen it when he had left for three months for work.

It was a difficult time for him. Managing between two high strung projects that were thrown at him. He tried to balance both but it wasn't enough. Rukia would call or text everyday. Gradually...she realized that these would be unanswered.

She knew that this would be the "norm".

Eventually the calls were once month. He had no idea what she was up to, if she was worried...or lonely for the matter.

But when he finally came home, he could feel the difference. They hugged and she immediately retreated. She turned away leading him into their home but it felt strange now. As if this space now belonged to her.

He was a stranger in their own home.

BLBLBL

" Are we ok?" Renji asked while they were out at the farmer market.

She froze. 'Were they ok. She had felt lonely while he was gone but it felt just as lonely when he came back.'

She wasn't expecting him to ask. Had she been cold. Was she different?

She turned to look at him from her shoulder.

Her face seemed sallow then. Her eyes dim. Even her body language, half towards him half forward. Neither moving.

"Yes". She said curtly. Then walked away from him. Because it was just that. They were fine...not great.

Renji watched as she walked away and tried not to jump to conclusions. It was the first time he had actually looked into her eyes and it wasn't something that he liked. She was different, not the women he had grew up with or a women he made love with...

She said that they were fine but one look into her eyes said otherwise.

She was already done. She had clocked out. And the hardest truth to see was that he had done this to her.

BLBL

Was it bad that she didn't seem to care? She had wanted so much..asked for so much but it didn't seem to matter.

She was already blind to the pain she felt. Was it her pain or her longing for him, she didn't know.

How many times had she asked for his time for him to turn a blind eye. So she compromised. Said yes...but it didn't make her happy.

Was his happiness more important than hers?

BLBLBL

She had once thought that if she had his kid she would be happy, but it could be further from the truth. She hadalwayswanted a family but the thought of bringing up a child without the love and support that she never recieved stopped it all.

Even if it was in theory.

BLBLBL

She was lethargic. Her best friend from middle school, the flirt the one who had cheated on her boyfiriends was engaged twice. It was hard to take. Renji and her had been together for so long that she had thought that it would happen.

He told her that that he planned on loving her forever.

She almost cried when he said it casaully... But she stopped ..the lump in her throat as if she was going to throw up. Was he speaking the truth or just a whim? Why was she giving into hope.

Wasn't it enough that she knew he loved her?

Her delicate heart would take anything, but instead she pummeled him in the chest. A passive aggressive tatict she tried hard not to do.

She assumed.

They never said that they would be together but the thought of it made her happy.

Was she making him happy? Was he happy with her even with this rut?

Was she just a placemat for the one he would eventuallymarry.

She said marriage wasn't important... or was it because she knew he wouldnt propose.

Was she happy?

BLBLBL

She left. She knew it was childish, but it all begin to be too much. He barely was home anymore. She knew it was because of his work. It always was.

And although she knew of his hopes and desires, it was nothing being second best to the one you loved most.

So she left...knew that she wouldn't be back. Knew that it was over for her. What was left for her then empty words?

BLBLBL

He came home and all of the lights were off. Shrugging it off he turned it on and called out for Rukia.

No response. Maybe she gone out with her coworkers. Maybe he had forgotten what she had said to him...although he couldn't remember the last time he had spoken to her.

He cringed, swept his hand through his hair. Walking through their bedroom, he noticed that the blinds were shut ang opened it up.

He had to adjust his eyes and opened the closet intending to put away his clothes when he noticed that all of Rukia's clothes were gone.

Stumbling back he jerked the doors open. It was empty. Turning he opened the drawers near the bed. Empty.

Feeling cold inside he called for her again except louder "RUKIA!!!".

Running back into the kitchen he saw a note with her delicate handwriting on it. 'Goodbye'

He grabbed and it crushed it in his hand. What did she mean goodbye. When had this become his reality. When did it get this bad.

He could see it now her sad smiles. The ones he was pushing back to the back of his mind. Saying to himself that it would get better ,he would try harder to be with her.

Renji took out his phone and went onto Google maps for location sharing. He clicked on her name.

Location sharing had been turned off.

It was over. She was gone and he had let it happen.


End file.
